bubbles68tk

ITS SNOOOOOOOOOOOOOWIIIIIIIIINGGGGGGGGG

I FUCKING. LOVE. THE SNOWWWWW

its sooo pretty cause its HUGE flakes and there are TONS of them.

I just want to go roll in it, but the ground is still wet and muddy from it raining this morning. BUT THAT MEANS ITLL BE THE AWESOME SNOW FOR SNOWMEN AND SNOWBALL FIGHTS!!!!!

I excited, we already have over an inch and its just supposed to snow more and harder.

I bet its gonna be like the blizzard of '9(whatever year it was)

that would be AWESOME!!!

Okay. So....

It's a new year, and I'm going to make it an awesome one. I don't know if I should call it an identity, life, or personality crisis, but that's the only way I can describe it to myself.

I want to change everything, EVERYTHING about myself...

There are so many things that I want, and I'm going to have to change to get there.

I want to change my hair, my clothes, my routine, what I eat, how much and how well I sleep, my health, how stressed out I always I am, my mood, I want to change my personality, I want to have fun without trying, I dont want to have to tell myself "dont forget the happy face" I dont want to be acting ALL THE TIME, and I want to be the person that I've always wanted to be.

Oh, and I need to get a FREAKING job!!!

so....

the semester is over and it's really exciting, but also a little scary.

my schedule:
1: Apparel 2
2: Student Assistant
3: German 2
4: Art IV

I know that I am sooooo ready to be out of highschool, and out of my freaking parents' house. But I dont know what I want to do next. There are just SO many things I could see myself doing, and things that I want to do.

I really DONT. want to go to college, but everyone says I should and are trying to push me in that direction, but I havent applied to anywhere, looked at scholarships, I havent even taken the SAT. GOOSSHH.

I want to go to RMSP, but that's in Montana, and it's not a college and it's SOOOO expensive. I'm afraid of moving there because I wont know anyone, but I dont want to leave my friends and family because I wont be here to help or protect them. WHO'S GONNA MAKE SURE MY SISTERDOESNTGETHITBYACARATWALMART?????? and my niece is only 6 months old. I dont want to miss her growing up.

...and if I stay here what do I do??? I know im moving out ASAP, but to where, and where am I gonna get a freaking job that pays enough for me to live on my own, and is that all i'll be able to do? work all the time????

I know im not going to be happy unless im helping people, or animals in a BIG way, but I dont know how im going to...
and in the mean time, I feel like time is running out, that im wasting it doing stupid things, if im really going to make a difference I feel like that's all I should be doing.

There are just TOOO many things to think about.

I haven't updated since september, DAMN.

So much has happened, awesomeness... and suckyness.

Here are some highlights since then:

I had an art gallery opening and sold a bunch of pictures and met some neat people.

We walked to the mall from my house, google maps says it's like 10 miles, it only took us like 3 and a half hours lol. but it was fun, we left pennies on the RR tracks, and today we went and picked them up they look SO kewl.

I presented my senior project, and threw up for twenty minutes. But i made higher then a 94.

ISAW ANBERLIN, BETWEEN THE TREES, and MADINA LAKE at a concert. ITWASTOOOMUCHFUN. my throat still hurts from screaming for HOURS.

I went to Switzerland with Sammy a couple of times. (aka had a LOT of Mandarin Vodka ((it's made in switzerland and thats our joke now))

Sammy made me join winter guard, and it was fun until today...I had to get up at 8 and go to school and we flagged until 3 and now I cant move my legs, and I think I might die.

I really like this guy at school, I've known him for a while and I guess I just started really noticing him last year, and there's just so many things about him I like. But everyone says he's kinda jerk faceish, so I dunno ohweeellll.

So, I haven't picked up my camera in a long time, I just haven't felt like it, which is weird for me oh well I guess i'll get over it.

I have been cold for like 2 days now, and it is starting to piss me off.

OK I've said WAYYY too much that no one is going to read anyway lol

...needs a Canadian name.

HELP!!!!!

He's a he by the way.